Sometimes we have to give the very thing we want to receive. Now that sounds like a fortune cookie. And maybe I actually got it from one. But that’s besides the point. I truly believe this when it comes to love as well, or kindness or similar. The very thing you want. Sometimes, if not always, you have to give the very thing you want to receive.
So I was coming from that position in this conversation around respect. So that got me curious, I started poking around and asking a couple of questions around my client’s situation with his daughter, about, you know, “Give me an example of where you’re needing or wanting respect”. And we, we got to an issue like, culturally, “I want her to respect me like I respect my elders” he said. And I said, “So how, how do you learn how to respect your elders?”
And my client shared that he, he’s probably saw that from his parents or his grandparents and being around a community of older people or bigger families. I told my client, “what do you think happens when you come home, you find the floor in a mess, there’s toys and stuff all over the kitchen floor. And you call your daughter and you tell her, ‘Hey, come here, and pick this up right now. You don’t do anything else until this is done. Okay. You hear me do that now?'”
I asked my client, “at that point, are you showing her respect? What I mean by that is most likely, she might have been busy with something else, she might have had a different agenda, a different idea in her head, and she might have been occupied with that. And then you came around and you said, Come here, do this. Now, on my terms.”
Now. I don’t know if you agree with that. But in my book, that is not respecting the individual. But anytime we demand something for someone, we are not respecting the individual’s personal agenda, personal will or free will. So that’s why I think it’s super important that we, if we want respect, we have to show respect and we show respect by respecting the individual’s will agenda, ideas, thoughts, emotions, experiences. So I told my client, “How is your daughter going to learn respect when you’re not showing her respect?”
This is this is the whole thing about respect. So if you want it, give it. So you might need to show it first. You might need to be the role model, you might need to set the example. And please understand what it means to be disrespectful to someone else in the pursuit of your own need; you might get it, but it comes at a very high cost.
Because if someone does what you told them to do, at the expense of their own self esteem, self worth, self love – your relationship is paying a super high price for that action. And in the long run. That’s a price I’m sure you are not willing to pay.