Get It Right Audio Course - Lesson #3
Welcome back to the Get It Right Audio Series, a 5-part course on how to get what you want and how to handle it when you don’t. In today’s lesson we’re diving into the world of Thoughts and Feelings, and how to be in control of them.
Let me start things off by stating that, you’ve never felt something that you first didn’t think.
And by thinking I mean, any thought, any meaning or story that is present in your mind is what came before the feeling.
I get it that it doesn’t always feel like this is the case.
And so, if you follow the feeling it will lead you to the thoughts present in your mind.
And what you feel influences your actions, your behaviour.
If you’re acting in a less than desirable way, you’re most likely feeling less than desirable feelings, correct?
Now, I am going to propose something perhaps even more radical;
Your natural state is a state of wellbeing and being at peace. It’s your neutral.
Anytime you don’t feel at peace you’ve drifted away from your natural state – your neutral.
And what is going on is that you are taking your thoughts at face value. You are believing your thoughts, the stories or the meaning that you’ve assigned as the truth.
If you live life through your emotions you will experience life as a rollercoaster ride, violent ups and downs, and emotional reactions dominating your life.
If you instead are able to see what’s actually going on, what’s factual you will be able to much quicker gather your composure and choose your response to a situation.
Acting from a place of higher executive thinking and decision making – being the higher version of the self – embodying the best self.
I am not proposing that you feel nothing, ever.
I am simply saying that if you are not feeling great, it’s a signal that you have left your neutral. And that you are not seeing what is – you’re in conflict with what is.
There’s a powerful quote that I work with to explain this;
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
What happens to you might not be in your control (most of the time it isn’t). How you react to it is.
It’s not what happens to you that defines you, but rather what you do in the face of what happens to you.
So how do you master this emotional fitness?
Today’s lesson is a tool that you always have access to and all it takes is some practice to make it work for you.
The tool is called, Your Brain!
Questions ⟶ Focus ⟶ Thoughts ⟶ Feelings ⟶ Actions
You see, your actions are influenced by your feelings. And what you feel is influenced by your thoughts.
So what is influencing your thoughts?
Focus is. Your focus directs your thoughts.
And what influences your focus?
Your questions (or the lack of them).
If you come home from a hard day at work and you say, “I’ve had such a crappy day today!”
Your brain will go, “Hang on, let me bring up the evidence to support this claim!”
And you’ll start to picture all the things that were bad today.
Now, if you instead said, “I’ve had a crappy day at work today, and I wonder what was the least crappy today?”
Your brain goes, “Let me look for the least crappy thing that happened today…”
All of a sudden your mind is shifting focus on something less bad.
You’re now thinking about what was least bad, and so you start feeling less bad.
What if you upgraded the question even more. Coming home from a hard days work and you say:
“I wonder what was the best thing about today?!”
And your brain goes, “Give me a sec, I’ll look for the answer to this question…”
You see, when you speak in statements and passing judgements, you are directing your brain – your mind in a one-way direction.
It will build the case for what you already believe – it’s called the confirmation bias.
And when you rather than use statements, assumptions or judgements you ask questions you are able to take control of the mind and direct it’s focus, it’s thoughts and feelings.
The opposite of assumptions, statements and judgement is curiosity.
Curiosity opens up, and creates a plethora of options.
This gives you access to completely different actions and behaviours than you normally would have access to.
Your assignment for today is to pay attention to your feelings and your language.
If you feel any of the negatively charged emotions, then follow the feeling to the thought being present.
What are the thoughts generating the feelings?
What are you focusing on?
What’s the assumptions, statements or judgements that you’re making?
What question could you perhaps introduce instead?
How could you help direct your mind in a more creative and constructive way?
Thanks for following along in the lesson of the day in this 5-part audio series. I’ll see you in the next lesson.