Letting go of control

Podcast Version


Being controlling, or a control freak. I had this conversation very, very recently with one of my clients, where we explored the need for control. And so as he was saying, “you know, I am a bit of a control freak, I need to control things”.

And in this case, we were talking about actually his family and his kid, his daughter. So, in this example, I wanted to draw out, what’s the, what’s the benefit of being a control freak? Trust me when I say it’s somehow Your mind is convinced that this behavior is serving you somehow. Right? Because if it wasn’t, it would expel it, it would it would delete it.

So this is my conviction. This is what I believe. And because that that’s my, where I’m coming from. I started the conversation then with “Tell me, what’s the best thing with being controlling?” And he was like, “No, no, no, you don’t get it. Like I don’t, I don’t prefer it. It’s not what I like”,

“I get that I really do. But just play with the idea. Let’s just stay with the idea that there are some positive things about this, that you’re benefiting from being controlling.”

I asked him to write these these three reasons down. “So you’ve got order, you’ve got certainty, you’ve got respect. Those are the things that you’re getting from being controlling?”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess that that would sum it up”, he said.

I dare to say, you’re not going to stop being controlling, until you learn until you upgrade until you uplevel the way that you create order, create certainty, and gain respect.

So unless you don’t do some inner work around how you create order, what order means to you, how you create certainty, and what that truly truly means for you. And also respect unless you manage to change your vehicle to achieve those things. Being controlling is going to be the number one strategy that you use, most likely, can you see how that is connected? That for some reason, your mind has associated being controlling with these three things, these three reasons or gains, benefits are being controlling.

What I want you to understand around controlling is if you are a person who’s controlling, see the benefits, the gain that you’re getting from that, okay? That way, if you don’t like being controlling, you can start finding more positive and constructive ways to meet the need of control or, or to meet the needs of the things that are driving your need for control your Your mistaken association, in order for you to get what it is you want you need to be controlling, and you can break that connection.

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